Last year Ian and I were seriously considering hosting an exchange student. We met with the program coordinator and even picked out a young girl from Yemen. Unfortunately we were not sure about our future living arrangements or available space so decided to hold off for another year.  Fast forward several months later and at a non-violence peace meeting we meet Maha, the girl we had picked!

When asked what she had left on her Juneau bucket list (secretly hoping that there was something so I could hang out with her) she mentioned wanting to see the ice caves. So of course I had to take her.

Although the hike, scenery, glacier and caves were beautiful, I enjoyed our talks most. I was certainly drawn to her poise, commitment to religious values, and positivity. We talked a lot about what Yemen was like and how she felt being in America when it was bombed by our drones. I do not claim to know all the political angles and reasoning behind that kind of violence but I do know that while talking with Maha I felt a deep sense shame and sorrow for those attacks.

A few weeks ago Ian and I went to hear a Palestinian exchange student talk about his home in the Gaza Strip. A friend of ours took him kayaking and when he heard planes flying overhead he thought they were going to drop bombs.  Sadly, that is all he knows in Gaza; planes mean destruction, death, and war. He also spoke on the difficulties he and his family have in leaving his walled city, the unpredictable border closings and the 6 hr daily limits on electricity and water.  He found it amazing that in the US we can not only turn on the faucet any time we want but that we can also drink the very water coming out of the spout. 

I find these people are serendipitous to my life, invaluable souls meant to take me from my sheltered self centered thinking into a global worldview.  Last year I purchased a world map and have it hanging in my living room. I decided to circle all the countries where there are human right atrocities and genocides currently taking place and pray/meditate for them daily.  Countries like Eastern Burma, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Sudan, Syria, etc.  I even bought country flag lapel pins to wear on my backpack, purse, and clothing.  It helps me to continually remember my brothers and sisters abroad and not get too caught up in myself. If I cannot physically go there to serve, I can at least give them purposeful thoughts and love.  As a matter of fact, we can all do this, and should be doing this! As a society, I know that if we do not change our daily lives, we certainly cannot change the world. 

In my opinion, does the world need more energy, oil, or food? No. There are enough resources for all us. There is starvation, poverty, and disease because of ignorance, prejudice, greed, and fear; because we have created wars over imaginary geographic boundaries and act as if one group of people is different or more special than another. What the world needs is not more oil, but more love, generosity, kindness and understanding. Until those are attained, the other levels will not work. 

In the beginning I found the world's problems so overwhelming. Now I don't even separate them from my daily life. Because they suffer, we all do too. And even though they seem huge and helpless, as a citizen of this world it is our social responsibility to bring about creative change now and for the generations' generation. We may not see immediate results, but if we can change a little for the next generation and continue the process, our children's children will have a better world. 

Recently, a friend's daughter had a lemonade stand to raise money for her school playground.  She asked her mom if she could also donate some money to an orphanage. Knowing that I go to one each January, her mom told her yes. So on a wet Juneau Saturday, Evelyn and her friend Nikki sold lemonade and baked goods, not only for their school, but also for the children of Nicaragua. I cannot tell you how much this touched my heart. This is exactly what our world needs: more love, kindness, generosity and awareness.  

We know that 40,000 children in the third world die every day of hunger yet we keep forgetting. The kind of society we live in today makes us forgetful. It keeps us entertained and distracted, busy going through mindless motions of daily routines that cater to the preoccupation with self and self preservation. That is why it is so important to remember others, self will get you no where. At least no where meaningful.  If we are going to clean up this mess at all I truly believe it begins with awareness. 

To begin, we can pray for the least of us who suffer daily here and abroad, remember them with our thoughts, and above all love.

I had to include this picture ....I thought Ian looked so cute!

Peace and Love,

Sarah

HAITI

I don't even know where to begin. I am on my way home from Haiti, currently at Miami airport and my heart and mind are reeling from what I saw and experienced. Even though it is well into the afternoon, "Bonswa" has no place here. This makes me sad, I am not ready to forget the Haitian people. As a matter of fact, I know I never will.

It is hard to describe what went on over the last 2 wks. 2100 patients later, though, I will never be the same. I didn't even take many pictures during the trip, my conscious wouldn't let me. Somehow snapping pictures of someone in the midst of their poverty just didn't seem right. It was just too pitiful, too unfair.

I have traveled to the 3rd world many times, but have seen nothing like this before. I have never felt weak during clinic because of what I was seeing, too sick to finish my lunch because I was thinking of those who go without, or cried after leaving a country because the images still haunt me. Even as I write this I have the familiar lump in my throat. At any moment, if the right person were to give me a hug I know I would weep in their arms for my brothers and sisters in Haiti.

Some of the hardest moments came in seeing the severely malnourished children. Instead of viewing them on TV it became a present reality. Not only did I see the flies on their faces like the television adds, but now I heard them buzzing.

One infant boy lost his mother during child birth and was being raised by his father. At 2 months of age he weighed just over 5 lbs. I carefully picked him up to feed him a bottle, and while rocking him tried unsuccessfully to sing him Jesus Loves You. I couldn't get past the first sentence without tearing up. I still think of him.

The little baby I tried to sing to

Another 15 month old child weighed just under 12 lbs. He just sat there staring as I examined him, too weak to resist. His legs the size of garden hose, his tummy swollen from protein deficiency. Given the extreme states of some of the children we start them on Plumpy Nut, a high calorie peanut butter food supplement to be given 3 times a day in addition to meals. When the package was opened and the little boy saw that it was food, he immediately reached out for the Plumpy Nut and started eating. Myself and the pediatrician both broke down in tears. I had to walk away. Few of us will ever know this kind of hunger. I still think of him as well.

One of the malnourished children eating Plumpy Nut

In addition to the children, most adults we saw were thin and hungry as well. They are a beautiful brown group of walking skeleton people. Never ever forget how blessed we are in the US.

It is commonplace to see amputees from the earthquake hobbling along with worn out crutches, women carrying heavy supplies on their heads, or men pushing large amounts of materials in wheelbarrows up mountains in 90 degree heat.

I will never forget those faces and stares. Nor will I forget the men, women, and children who waited and slept for days outside with the hope of being seen by one of us for medical care. Nor  the woman I saw who walked in ragged flip flops over a mountain (literally a mountain) to come to our clinic. She left at 2 am walking without food or water until 2 pm to see me for less than 15 minutes. She was so grateful and I will not forget her. Nor will I forget how everyone wore their best clothes and hats when they came to see us as a sign of respect. Their best clothes...... many of my patients back home come in their pajamas.

People waiting outside our clinic to be seen

Perhaps the hardest part for me was on the drive to the airport today. As we rode through the capital Port Au Prince, I felt physically sick to my stomach. I caught myself holding my breath because it burned my lungs so bad to breath in the fumes of diesel mixed in with piles upon piles of burning plastic and trash. I felt sick seeing old men digging in mounds of garbage for food, sick that you could see all the bones on the starving dogs, sick that the homes were rebuilt yet still crumbling and cracked, sick that sewage ran in the streets, sick knowing this was reality for thousands of people....sick, sick, sick. I want to vomit, I want to purge my mind of all this but I know I can't and the better part of me says don't, never forget them. I will probably need a good cry when I get home and see Ian. I will probably cry when I talk to my mom.

On the airplane ride from Port Au Prince to Miami I sat next to a Haitian man who will be working on a cruise ship this summer. This is his first time out of his country. I try to speak Creole with him, but his English is much better than my Creole. At one point he asks if I am married. I tell him yes. He is quiet for a moment then asks if an American would ever marry a black man. This catches me off guard at first, but then I remember that his country was founded on the backs of African slaves, that his people still are reaping the consequences of past corrupt governments. Not so strange I tell myself; he has probably always felt his ethnicity and poverty make him second class. I tell him that if a man has a good heart I would marry him regardless of his skin color, after all, it doesn't matter. I tell him that across cultures, borders, languages, and creeds we are all the same. We are all brothers and sisters. Even though I give him a hug, I am still saddened. I will not forget him either.

Two of the Haitian interpreters, Amiee and I. Hughes, my interpreter just finished medical school in the Dominican Republic

With several hours of flying ahead of me I start to think again about our world. I sit watching as people rush to their gates or wait in line at Starbucks. Almost everyone here is on their iPhone. Do they know what is going on in this world?  I cannot blame them, well not totally. I was once the same. It is easier to read about what Kate Middleton is wearing than about global affairs, especially once your conscious gets involved. It is too depressing. Then I think of Haiti. Too depressing for me is nothing compared to the reality that it brings for so many there and all over our world.

I am pointing to Cyvadier, the town where FOTCOH (Friends of the Children of Haiti) is located. 

With technology and travel it has become so small. How then, can so many of us today live totally unaffected by the injustices, poverty, war, and disease of our fellow brothers and sisters? Sure the oil prices may rise and maybe we see something on the news, but in the safety or our well furnished comfortable homes we carry on totally unaffected by "them over there." We forget as Bono says, that there is no them, only us.

As far as humanitarian aid goes, I am proud of our country in being the leader of global donations. I was happy to see several USAID tarps donated by the American people after the earthquake and bags of rice donning the American flag. Along with the presence of UN trucks throughout the country this somewhat softened my rage and disappointment. I think most of the anger though was directed at myself for not being more affected by their situation earlier.

Sadly though for most of us, myself included, as we go about our lives and careers very little of our time, money, and attention is given to the suffering of this world. Did you know that each day there are 30 wars going on? Or that during that same 24 hr period thousands of children die from malnutrition or preventable diseases?

Here's the thing.....the world DESPERATELY needs us to be an expression of God's love. DESPERATELY. While in Haiti I was so moved by the circumstances that I spent much of my morning meditating on gratefulness and love. As a matter of fact, without doing this every morning there is no way I would have made it through the day. Mentally I wouldn't have been strong enough.

I am back in the states now having returned more conflicted than ever. I wonder how long my sadness with last and if I will ever be able to eat a meal again without thinking of my Haitian brothers and sister who are going to be hungry each night. I wonder about Blandine, the girl we sponsor, and her family. Will she think of us as I will her?

Blandine and I 

As I look to the world for answers through my privileged blue eyes I know this about myself: I am not ok with suffering; human and animal alike. My two years in bush Alaska certainly reinforced this. And in working through that experience I realized that not being ok is totally ok. As a matter of fact, not being ok with suffering is what makes us human.

So in knowing this, I had to ask myself "Who am I and who do I choose to be in relation to those who suffer?"

And here's is what I came up with. I am a conduit of love to a broken world, and am an image bearer of something divine. This is true for all of us. And this beautiful Divine demonstrates His love by allowing us to demonstrate ours....Every encounter we have with another person is an opportunity for us to give them a glimpse of what the Creator thinks of them. EVERY encounter we have with each other matters.  I have heard character described as  how you treat those who can do nothing for you. I need to build more character.

Even though many things in my life need a healthy re-evaluation, I know this, I have chosen to change and to pour my inner alabaster jar on the feet of this world. Some may say that I am chasing rainbows but I believe in the hope that those illusions bring. So I will go on chasing the rainbows and hopefully inspire others to go after them as well.

As for Haiti and the Haitian people, I know I will never be the same.

blessings
- Sarah

Thank goodness for continuing medical education, as without it we might not get to travel to warm and sunny places such as Maui.  This year I decided on a pain management conference which just so happened to be in Hawaii, bummer huh?

Even though we love Juneau, I have to admit that the warm sun sure felt good.  We both also enjoyed slowing down a bit and catching up on some long over due reading.  

As I see a lot of chronic pain in my practice, I was anxious to attend this conference and learn more about non-invasive alternative approaches to pain management. From the beginning I knew I was with a different bunch of intellectuals, but in a surprisingly good way.  

We started each day with yoga by the ocean, followed by lectures on preventative medicine, stress management, nutrition, exercise acupuncture, and EFT (emotional freedom technique) / Tapping.  One of the speakers was Dr. Michael Roizen, a preventative medicine  physician at the Cleveland Clinic, or better known for his regular appearances on the Dr. Oz show and for his You book series.  Another presenter was psychologist Lori Leyden, who has been working with genocide victims in Rwanda and survivors from Sandy Hook.  She is well known for her success with tapping acupressure points in the management of stress, depression, and trauma relief. 

I was very impressed with the evidence to back up stress and its correlation to chronic pain and disease. Although I have always considered this connection, I am now more convinced than ever about their relationship in regards to health and illness. The biggest take home point for me was the importance of daily medication/ breathing exercises or prayer.  Although I try to do this daily, I admit to being very undisciplined at times. The evidence suggests that at least 15 minutes twice a day of mindful meditation can decrease the risk for many diseases including: heart disease, depression, arthritis, insomnia, arthritis, and even some cancers.  And, those are just a few among the growing list. 

The medical field has pondered the mind-body connection for a long time, and most recently has begun to embrace the powerful conduit through which emotional, social, spiritual, and behavioral factors can directly affect our health.  For me, the thought that I can harness my thoughts to positively influence some of my body's physical responses is extremely empowering.  I am beginning to see the wisdom in the Socrates quote that " there is no illness of the body, apart from the mind."

I also admire this about Ian. He is very diligent and disciplined in his practice of daily medication and mindfulness. Maybe this explains his unshakable peaceful presence and natural glow?

So whats up with the giant sushi picture you may ask? Well, we spent 5 out of the 7 nights eating  avocado cucumber rolls. Ian just recently decided to give sushi a try once he realized that it can be served sans raw fish.  He has officially grown a Wasabi taste bud.

Even though Hawaii has sun, charm and great sushi, we were both glad to return to Juneau. The familiar smells and feel of home are always comforting. Sometimes though, even the pleasures of vacation can grow old. I am reminded that even in "paradise" one will not find true happiness or contentment, that is something only found from within.

Blessings and peace,
Sarah

 

Ian and I recently celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. I am not going to write about how wonderful he is, how fast time goes, or how blessed I am to have him for a husband……somehow that almost feels too cliche and lets be honest, no one really wants to hear that anyway . Instead I would rather share with you what these last 4 years have brought for us in a more personal way. For friends, family, and maybe even for the random person who stumbled upon our blog in a google search, there is much more I would rather share. 

Coming upon #4 I reflected back to our early married days. Three of the biggest things that have transformed during this time are: what now fills our conversations, the ways we pass the days, and the things we spend our money on.  Together, these have been catalysts for the renewal of our characters and the alterations in our habits. 

We went on an anniversary hike up Mt Jumbo. The following pictures are during this hike. 

I like to think that even without our move to Alaska our lives would still have evolved, however, I am sure that it did help speed the process! Since being here  I find that we pause more often and look more deeply into the present more than we ever have before.  Although we still talk about the future, being present in every moment is more important for us now. 

We also try to live more simply. Not only / most importantly, as the saying goes,  in order that others may simply live, but to regain our freedom from material stuff. 

Ian and I laugh at my shoe collection when we first met -  I seriously think I had at least 10 pairs of cowboy boots alone!  And besides my Vitamix, I think we have reached a point where the attachments to our material possessions are easier to sever.  And boy does cutting that cable feel good! 

For us, embracing simplicity really has been both life changing and utterly peace giving.  Two of my favorite books regarding simplicity are Radical Simplicity by Jim Merkel and Voluntary Simpicity by Duane Elgin. Definitely worth checking out for the curious and ready to simplify reader!  

OK, so I could probably let go of my Vitamix, but we sure wouldn't eat as well.  Which leads to another big change, (90% of the time) we are gluten free and vegan.  I have been a vegetarian since the age of 8, but Ian the cereal loving omnivore, only recently began his journey; and not only for reasons regarding animal cruelty, but also for the global impact and carbon footprint that our animal crazed food fetishes cause. Not to mention that our over processed food lifestyle and stress is probably the reason behind 99% of our diseases. 

In the past 4 years we have also become more involved and concerned with global affairs. In the past year alone I have probably read 50 books on genocide, the sex slave trade, illegal immigrants, child soldiers, poverty, and humanitarian organizations.  It is actually quite embarrassing that I had little knowledge regarding these atrocities before. However, since learning more, human rights and social justice issues have become my true passion and hence my desire to go back to school once again. 

Here are some of the organizations that I support or volunteer with:

• Friends of the Children of Haiti (FOTCOH.org) - a medical clinic in Haiti, the poorest country in the Western hemisphere.  You can also sponsor a child: helping them go to school, access clean water and food.  I will be meeting the child we sponsor, Blandine, next month! 

• Kilimanjaro Children’s Orphanage ( kiliophanagecentre.org) - an NGO set up to provide shelter, nutrition, safety, health care, and a long-term education to orphaned children at risk.  

• Children of Destiny Nicaragua (codn.org) - two children's orphanage in Jos Cedros and Jinotega, Nicaragua. It is through this organization that I have been traveling on medical mission trips for the past 4 years. You can also sponsor a child through their organization as well. 

• Rising International (risinginternational.org) -  an organization that sells handmade crafts by women living in the poorest and most dangerous place in the world. All the proceeds go to support these woman keeping both them and their families fed and off the streets. 

• Night Light International (nightlightinternational.com) -  this organization works to build relationships with victims of the sex slave trade by providing hope, intervention, rescue, and assistance through vocational training and selling of their handmade crafts / jewelery. 

This bear was a gift for a pregnant friend. I purchased it from the above organization Rising International. It was hand knittied by a survivor / widow from war torn Bosnia as a way to heal from the trauma, to make money to support her family, and to begin rebuilding her life. On the back of the bear she knitted her name. Also, you can't see it too well, but I am wearing a lovely handmade necklace purchased from NightLight. 

Although he also finds these issues important, Ian's interests lie mostly with the mysteries of God/The Absolute, life, man's purpose and how we make sense of it and live it out without destroying each other and our environment. Viable, green living and ways to tread more kindly on our Earth seem to keep his mind active and imagination reeling. 

Still I think the most important growth for us has been in our desire to know and connect with the Divine more intimately. If we do not go within, we truly go without. And, it is only by ways of spiritual growth that all the other changes in our life- from the foods we choose to nourish our bodies with to the organizations we choose to support - have been able to come about.  From the Source comes a source. 

In the last 4 years I have seen our desires reach toward the zenith and Source of love. To not only seek it, but to also find those barriers within ourselves that we have built up against it, to be a servant to it, a warrior with it, and a voice for it. 

Blessing

Sarah

P.S. Ian just read this blog and laughed, calling it the most hippie blog posting yet. 

What a lovely several weeks we have been having here in Juneau. It seems the Midwest has taken much of our winter and snow, leaving us with many clear sunny days. On days such as these, Juneau could rival any place in the world for beauty. 

And our Sunday was all about beauty.  I had read somewhere that we should see in everyone the brilliant work of the Divine in a uniform. This morning as we walked on the glacier towards the ice caves I realized that the Divine's uniform is truly all around us.  

As I stared out at the snow capped mountains with the glistening blue glacier in the forefront I truly felt connected to something greater than myself.  Without words my soul had a silent conversation with its Maker.  

I was very happy to share this with Ian. Thankfully even though Alaska has had an uncharacteristically warm winter and the glacier has had record amounts of recession, the ice caves are still present for us to explore.  

And, we only had to avoid a few cracks in the lake to get there. 

 So after a quick one mile hike across Mendenhall Lake, we came upon the mouth of the cave nestled up against the glacier.  

As we approached the entrance, the majestic glacier blue welcomed us to its mysterious home. 

It truly was unbelievable.  A million tons of glacier ice coalesced together forming a gigantic tunnel of frozen blue. 

And beneath the glacial tunnel you could hear the turbulent rivers of freshly melted water, making its way to the lakes below. 

As I sat from the inside facing the entrance I was struck by this view. At first it made me laugh….here I am in an ice cave beneath a melting glacier of which at any time could cave in and surely bring forth my demise. And what am I doing?  Staring at the light at the end of the tunnel. 

But as I thought about it more, the fear and cynicism faded. It was truly a beautiful thing, surrounded by darkness yet enfolded in light. 

It made me think about the light inside all of us.  I have met some who seem to shine all the time. I have also known beacons darker than others, and some so dark that they never realize they are a form of light at all.  

I confront this often with patients in my practice of medicine. And, I find it is one of the most tragic things that I encounter; those who fail to recognize the light that already lives inside them. 

 

I have learned that some of the toughest patients are those who have forgotten about this very truth.  Today as I stood peering out from the cave unto the radiant glow ahead, I reminded myself to give more grace and show more love….to myself and especially to others.  

For in a world that is often too busy and self servicing, its important to remember that it's not what you have on the outside that glitters in the light, but what you have on the inside that shines in the dark. 

It wasn't just today, but something I have been thinking about for a while; to live a life out of the abundance of my heart in service to others, and to connect with the source that gives it all meaning. 

Every person you meet is an opportunity to extend kindness, to share your light with them and to remind them of the light that lives inside all of us. So, use your beacon of hope as it was intended, to enrich your life and all those it shines upon. 

With love and peace-