I just returned from Nicaragua. In the beginning I always think that this will be my last year going, however as the annual time approaches I always find myself coming. This year in particular was very special as my mother-in-law, Dianne, a nurse practitioner, and my friend, Cherith, both joined the team.

On the way down I had a 10 hour layover in Miami and was able to re-connect with my dear friend, Laurie and meet her beautiful children. Laurie is one of those friends that though we may not speak for many months, we can just pick up where we left off like no time has passed.

It is hard to believe that I have known her for 12 years and that 5 years ago she was the Maid of Honor in my wedding. I have never known her as Laurie, a mother, but smile at how easily she has transitioned into this new role.

It felt good to connect with people who were so instrumental in my life. Though I love living in Alaska, it is very far from both family and friends. I was happy that with two young children Laurie didn't think twice about coming to pick me up at the airport and that Dianne happily accepted the opportunity to join me in helping the people of Nicaragua.

I was especially proud of Dianne as this was her first medical mission. Though in the beginning she was a little nervous, after a few hours she found her stride and continued onward with much compassion and grace.  Though we offer medical help, truly experiencing the people of Nicaragua is our greatest reward.  It is in these times that I have found my greatest personal growth, and watching this unfold with Dianne was beautiful.

One particularly found memory was seeing her dance with an elderly man. He had just gotten a new pair of shoes and was so excited that he grabbed Dianne and started dancing.  Afterward as we were preparing to leave he came onto our bus and said a blessing over the medical team. It was very humbling to have witnessed this exchange and I believe it blessed Dianne very much.

It has been no secret that Ian and I have intentionally put off having children. When I travel to low income countries, especially when I stay at orphanages like we did on this trip, I have difficulty justifying having my own. Though I do not pass judgement on couples who do so,  with the global population well beyond 7 billion I do wonder what our earth and its populates will look like in the next 100 years.

On this trip however, I did feel somewhat of an unfamiliar thing, a strong maternal urge. Much of the time I would have rather played with the children than do anything else. Between making balloon faces, braiding hair, and painting nails, this longing to be around the children continued.

 

I had someone ask me once why I spend my vacation and money on global health issues when it seems to be only a small drop in the ocean.  My answer came out immediately, for the next generation's generation. If I can help one person, my hope is that for their children that drop will improve their lives if even a fraction. I may not live to see the fruits, but as time passes, it may add up to great change.  Like Mother Teresa had said, I don't want to live my life overlooking the drop, because the ocean would still be less if it were missing. 

For this trip I had a lot of people who contributed generously. Several months ago a colleague's daughter, Evelyn, had a lemonade stand and contributed a portion of her proceeds to the Jinotega Children's Orphanage. Before I left we went to the store and she picked out coloring books, crayons, markers, and pencils to donate to the children.  

One day after clinic I brought all the goodies out and ALL the children came rushing in to color. Every single child spread out on the gym floor to color. After a few minutes I stood up, watching them smiling and laughing, I just cried. Though they were only crayons and coloring books, the ocean for these orphaned children was a little fuller with Evelyn's drop.

Another friend Emily, a single mother of two boys, donated tons of clothing, shoes, and toys for the children. Without hesitation she and her boys went through all of their stuff and brought over piles and piles of goodies that they wanted to donate. As I was walking out the door her older son was still going through stuff that though he enjoyed, would rather give to another child. 

Two of the gifts in particular, a stuffed dog and a jump rope brought tremendous joy to their recipients. This little girl would not stop smiling and hugging her new French dog. 

And I spent hours jumping rope with the children. 

Other friends donated money, toy cars, nail polish, and stickers, all of which were greatly appreciated. Like I mentioned earlier, I could have spent my entire time painting nails and jumping rope; seeing these children light up was so wonderful.  

For little boys, the match box cars bring extreme excitement and joy. I usually start by driving the little cars up their legs and unto their stomachs all the while trying to imitate car sounds. I usually end by placing the car in their hands upon which they continue the little car game by racing the cars around the plastic chairs. 

An interpreter, Michelle, told me a story about a little boy who received a car. His father said that though he had been asking for a toy car for many months, the family was too poor to spend money on such extravagances. When Michelle told the story at our nightly meeting, she was brought to tears recounting how the little boy kept smiling and how grateful the father was.  A little match box car, not an iPhone.....it just blows my mind. 

I get the same reaction when I give a little girl a colorful purse. Its what keeps me sewing just one more.....just one more.....

It also reminds me of my many unnecessary extravagances, and how unexcited I have become about all the excess stuff I own and how empty it actually makes me feel.  I am beginning to despise this part of me that depends on such things that create a false sense of security or happiness. 

These thoughts and questions have been heavy on my heart over the last year. So at my request, when my birthday came around this year in lieu of buying me a gift, I asked my office to use the money to sponsor a child in Nicaragua instead. 

I was so excited when the organization sent us a picture of Marie Luz, the little girl we would be sponsoring. I was even more thrilled when I could finally meet her and give her a hug! 

The more I travel and learn, the more I realize that it doesn't take much to be the hands and feet of love. 

And that when I die, the only thing left in my hands will be what I have given away.

This is my interpreter, Bildad. I truly enjoyed working with her during the week. She was beautiful, articulate, smart, and all around lovely. 

When a group of children sat down to be examined I was somewhat dumbfounded when all of their chief complaints were that they were unable to concentrate. As I have been taught I ran through my list of questions  - any family history of ADD/ADHD, was there bullying at school, headaches, vision changes, hearing problems, etc? 

However, when Bildad stopped me and asked them when the last time they had eaten, I was shocked to learn it was almost two days ago; they had been unable to buy food for the day. Bildad then went on to tell me this is also why she had trouble concentrating at school, she was always hungry. 

As the 2nd poorest country in the western hemisphere of course this would make sense. She went on to tell me of how poor she grew up, how all she could think about during class was food, hoping that there would be dinner on the table that night ,and how often there was not. Though I know about poverty, I am still far removed from its consequences. As I sit here writing this blog I am well aware of my fully stocked fridge and cabinets.  Right now my biggest concern is what I am going to make for dinner, not if there will be any to serve. 

Still, for most of the Nicaraguan people there is joy. There remains a resiliency that cannot be learned. There is peace, hope, and love that naturally occurs in those who have faced these tragedies and there is a spiritual teaching that radiates from their life. 

In the west we are very bipolar in our life; fluctuating between extremes in our emotions and lives,  often remaining very addicted to ourselves and our story.  We seek medications or drugs to numb ourselves because we don't like the swings of pain, our obesity, or our depression. We crave the upswing to feel better but neglect the self reflections and stillness that is needed to calm the pendulum. By default we have a large downswing and then the cycle starts all over. In other cultures this pendulum swings much slower and inadvertently the traumas are experienced much differently. 

In countries like Nicaragua they seem to not just avoid the bad also to actively seek the good. They strive for the middle way and are able to sit with uncomfortableness, watch it, feel it, and even accept it. Maybe this is because they have accepted death whereas we try to avoid it. We strive to make ourselves look younger, often going through extreme surgeries to evade the unavoidable appearances of time. Often in the United States  I also strongly sense feelings of entitlement without any consideration for contribution, its just what is expected. 

In places like Haiti or Nicaragua I rarely feel this way. I have watched young children stand for hours patiently waiting to be seen, people gratefully accept tylenol, and families continue to smile and play though hungry and without an iPhone. 

I took care of a 65 year old women who worked from 4:00 am - 4:00 pm in the coffee fields 7 days a week just so she could have food on the table each day. As I examined her rough and worn hands I wondered how many of our teenagers could do such hard labor without complaining? 

I am not trying to get down on our culture, only trying to understand how other cultures, especially in the third world, can appear more developed emotionally with so little externally. I have said for a while that our society also has poverty, but our poverty is mostly of the soul. Unlike the low income countries who are almost forced to develop their inner man,  we are taught from an early age about the survival of the fittest, the victory of the strongest, and the success of the most clever. Little is said about the glory of the one who both finds and develops himself and his soul.  I wonder if this happens more with the poor because they have learned to surrender to their struggling and in doing so their victory is won. 

I love the quote by the Dalai Lama, " Man sacrifices his health in order to make money, then he sacrifices his money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about his future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never really lived. "

As always, this trip has given me much to chew on and contemplate. I am immensely grateful for the Nicaraguan people for having shown me their resilience and love amidst hardship. Each time I go I learn something new and I hope that I too could live as gracefully as they do should I be given their life. 

-Sarah