Since returning from Haiti so much has happened. For starters, Ian and I have both been accepted into doctorate programs beginning 2015. It seems that though we may always be students, it is happily by choice. Ian will be working towards a doctorate of psychology and I on a doctorate in global health.  Both are through distance correspondence and though we will have to travel to campus regularly, we can remain in Juneau until our degrees are obtained. Having the two of us working on PhDs in addition to working part time is going to be interesting, but I am confident that this is a path we will both be successful at. He spends most of his time reading books and scouring the Internet on psychological theories and practices and I on global health issues and reform so this feels like natural extensions of ourselves anyway, only with a higher price tag. 

We also had our first overnight with our Big Brothers Big Sisters match, Miles. We decided to have an indoor camping experience so we set up a tent in our living room. I actually thought Ian and I should swap our bed some night and do this as well, it looked pretty fun! He has brought a lot of learning into our life and our relationship continues to deepen each time we get together.  

In two weeks I will be headed back to Nicaragua on a medical mission trip. My mother-in-law, Diane, will be coming along as a provider and my friend, Cherith will also join us as a nurse. Nicaragua is very special to me as this is where my love for global health was cultivated. It was there that a new part of myself was unlocked, greatly altering my life journey.  I enjoy sharing this experience with others and watching how it alters the thinking and lives of those who allow it to.

 Like last time I have been busy sewing my now trade mark little purses. Yesterday Cherith came over and not only learned to sew but actually put together a very cute and functional bag! 

Last night Ian and I watched the movie, The Good Lie, about the lost boys of Sudan. Having read numerous books beforehand I already knew their story. Still, I couldn't get through the movie without crying. As I made my way to bed afterward I did something different.  Instead of rationally contemplating what happened, who was to blame, and what I could do to help, I just sat with the experience and the feelings I was having and let stillness speak. 

Where were these emotions coming from? Was it the plight of the children, the human suffering, the or unfairness of war? Or was there a deeper connection to something that I myself could relate to? 

In our world, many things falsely attempt to evoke our emotions, and we get caught in the spokes of a seemingly endless emotional wheel being tossed to and fro.  For many of us we are addicted to this emotional energy cycle unknowing that it acts to keep us from accessing a deeper meaning. As for myself, I know that external appearances (poverty, human suffering, hunger, etc) certainly pull me toward such a spinning vortex of finding cerebral answers. 

However, last night when I detached from these emotions my experience completely changed. My apathy didn't keep me from feeling, it allowed me to experience the rawness of it. 

I realized that although the Sudanese incident was insufferable, my tears were not only for their historical tragedy, but also for the lost way of life that we all experience. When the lost boys came to the US as refugees their entire way of life shifted. It wasn't only their introduction to electricity, running water, and abundance that changed, but they were confronted with the idea of separateness in a society that thrives on the individual. While they had once lived in community, although poor by our standards, connected to each other and to the earth, they now found themselves separated from these basic elements that gave them meaning. 

I realized that though I have not known such horrors, I too have felt this lost art of living.  We wake up to alarm clocks, no longer rising to the stars or the natural cycles of the sun. We fight against time and complain that there isn't enough of it in the day. We live under the illusion that we are independent from creation, looking at it as something that can be measured or manipulated.  We get so caught up in the daily affairs that bring little peace that our life passes and we completely miss the odyssey. We find ourselves feeling unattached, let down, alone, and empty even in a society where abundance is the norm. 

In our daily rush rush rush many of us have forgotten that we have a universe inside of us, a microcosm and hologram to something much greater. Although this life force or energy has had different names throughout time, its purpose has always been the same, to connect us to the Divine and allow us to surpass the cerebral into the supernatural. To experience a heaven on earth. 

Most religions of today focus more on the morals and behaviors of man instead of his soul development. All that is demanded of him is that he believe with his mind and conform his outer behavior to the rules and rituals laid down for him. He is not required to be inwardly active, or to surrender his dreams more than once or twice in his life. It is necessary for him to be good but not necessary for him to develop. Through our religious institutions there now runs a superficial conciliation to immortality coupled with an external code of conduct that mistakenly glances over the development of the soul. 

What I realized from the movie is that though I viewed their pre-war life as somber, they were living a connectedness to the earth and each other that most of us have never known. Young boys traveling over 1,000 miles through deserts and civil war takes more than muscle and external luck.  Few of us realize that it requires something already inside of us, something divine. I think through their life experiences these uneducated young boys came to truly understand this form of hope with their hearts. And, by surrendering to life more than once, they survived. 

I am coming to believe that poverty wears many hats. For us in the US it often shows itself as a poverty of the soul. It is often in places of such over abundance that these lessons are harder to understand. I know I have felt this shift when I return home from traveling overseas. It becomes so much harder to continue my spiritual practices with so many distractions. Many of us are attracted to the glittering effects of this world and until we can transcend this addiction we will never be able to truly experience the heart of God. And, until we can be natural extensions of love and peace from within us,  experiencing world peace will remain something of fairy tales. 

Sure, we need water, food, and shelter to keep our body temples alive in order to practice stillness, but like the lost boys, we also need community and connection with others and the Divine for it to survive. And as I finally drifted off to sleep, thoughts of developing my soul were filling my heart and giving my mind something to look forward to when it woke up. 

- Sarah