Prior to this weekend I had plans on a much different blog post. Having just returned from Nepal 1 week ago I have been trying to formulate how I could describe my experience over the last month.  

As usual, words fail to capture what I experienced. My travel friend, Kim, said it perfectly....pick any adjective and you would describe it. It was beautiful, ugly, wonderful, difficult, amazing, lonely, etc. However, in the wake of the earthquake my reflections, experiences, and even memories are now altered for in the midst of heartbreak they all seem so clouded.

I woke Saturday to numerous emails from friends and colleagues both in Nepal and stateside regarding the recent tragedy in Nepal.  Quickly I googled the events and was shocked to see what was unfolding in my beloved Nepal. For starters, my team was right in the epicenter of the quake just last week and trekking at 11,000 ft for the last three.  Below is a map of the earthquake, we were high in the mountains in the Dhading region; the red zone southeast of the red star, northwest of Kathmandu. 

Many of the villages that we served are in complete rubble and I fear that many of the people we saw are badly injured.  I am just shocked, had the earthquake occurred just one week earlier I would have most certainly been injured or worse, we were right there.

On the way over I met a lovely Canadian couple close to my age who were attempting to summit Everest. She is an OB/GYN and he is a Naturopathic doctor. On the 14 hour plane ride from Seoul, South Korea to Kathmandu we became close as we excitedly shared about our upcoming adventure. They would have either been at Everest base camp or on the mountain when the massive avalanche occurred….I have no idea if they are safe or not.

My heart aches right now for Nepal, my soul cries for the lives and history lost.  Below is a picture of Patan Durbar square, in the heart of Kathmandu.  Founded in the 3rd century it is an amalgamation of temples built of intricate wood and stone carving that is rich not only in history but religious significance as well.  Just last week this picture was taken, here I am admiring what is now gone, history reduced to rubble.  Its loss is devastating.  

I have never been big into journaling, however, at the recommendation of a seasoned mountaineering friend who told me that "inspiration comes on those mountains," meaning the Himalayas,  I brought a journal.  Not only did I write in it, I nearly filled it up. And as I write this, I am thankful for those written memories especially as I know many of them can never be relived.

Yesterday I found an entry dated mid April about Patan Durbar Square, the Swayambhunath Stupa, and the Boudhanath Stupa (the largest and holiest Buddhist Stupa in the world). All of these structures have been damaged or destroyed in some way.

In my journal I wrote about walking around these places and being brought to tears at how holy and peaceful they felt. In ways that I cannot describe, my soul was deeply touched and comforted in remembering the oneness of all.

A little history on stupas and these pictures. A stupa is a mound-like structure that contains religious relics and acts as a place for Buddhist meditation. Atop of the Stupas are Buddha eyes looking out in all four directions depicting omniscience. The nose which looks like a question mark which symbolizes the unity of all things and the way to reach enlightenment. The third eye is to represent the wisdom of Buddha.

Above are hundreds of prayer flags, a common scene throughout Nepal. Each color representing the five elements: earth, air, wind, fire, water.  They are used to promote peace, compassion, strength, and wisdom. Buddhists believe that the prayers and mantras will be blown by the wind to spread goodwill and compassion into all pervading space. I have seen pictures after the earthquake and know they are still blowing in the wind, still sending compassion throughout the country during this great time of need.

In the Buddhist view, I or Me depends on You for existence. All things depend on each other equally. This dependence was very evident in the villages that we trekked through. It appeared that everyone shared equally both in work load and resources, it is just something that you do. In the same way, there is an unspoken acceptance that if you pull a person the wrong way you immediately redefine yourself in light of what you've done to yourself and to your neighbor.

Even their greeting, Namaste, recognizes or bows to the Divine in you. Hearing the children shout Namaste down from the mountains as we trekked by will forever be etched in my heart. I didn't realize how much this meant to me until I got off the plane in the states.  Not having someone greet me this way felt not only foreign but impersonal as well.

I recognized a stark contrast between the Nepalese paradigm of interdependence contrasted with the Western ideal of independence that I have been taught since a young age. The interconnectedness that I saw among the people also transcended into connectedness with not only each other,  but also with the mind, body, soul, and the Divine.

Being in Nepal for one month I began to resonate with this unspoken vibration as well. Not only did I want to be more compassionate and gentle with others, but also with myself as well. I find that given the option to over indulge in food, materialism, or life in general I merely would not. I see the wisdom in living the middle way that Buddhism teaches.

Though the life of a rural Nepalese is certainly difficult by our standards, it has purpose. Digging your hands into the earth to plant and harvest your food, living completely dependent on nature and its gifts has a way of grounding you to creation. Our world is certainly changing - we are becoming less dependent on each other and Earth's natural gifts and more reliant on ourselves and the artificial. I often wonder if comparatively I am stifling my own potential for real soul development by living an easy American life. I know I am built to love but too often I get in my own way.

It is in knowing that these values are core to the Nepalese society that I have some comfort in the wake of the earthquake.  Though I still ache for what happened, I take comfort knowing that this culture leaves no one behind. I also take great comfort in knowing of both the impermanence of things seen and the infinite of those not.

There is so much I want to write about, and many many more pictures to share but in the wake of the earthquake I wanted to elaborate on what was on my heart now.

As I think about the current situation in Nepal I am reminded to always give yourself completely, every instant and everyday, so that every act is a holy one. In Nepal I learned that life changing insights and experiences do not accessorize the existing life, they alter it for good. The greatest journey that any of us will ever take is from nothingness to somethingness. My journey thanks in large part to Nepal, has brought me closer to something leaving nothing behind.