When I sat down to write this post I had no idea what would come to mind. I went for a run this morning and though inspiration often comes while I jog in the rainforest that I call home, nothing significant came to mind.  I made some vegan cheese, figured out what was dinner, face-timed my mom, and then sat down with my much anticipated tea. 

I looked down at my placemat, which happened to be the country flag of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, the poorest country in the world, and immediately felt compassion. Thankfully, this is exactly why I sewed 8 placemats of various country flags; to remember and have compassion.  

As I thought about this word and what it means, I realized that this is exactly what I needed to write about and reflect on.  And hence, I am going to finish my Nepal trilogy of posts with the goodness of compassion. 

Before I left my niece, Evian, made 80 bracelets for the children of Nepal. When I see our children not only recognize and remember their fellow children across the world, but also choose to respond to them, I am always greatly moved. When our "future" sees and remembers I can think of no greater legacy for a parent to leave behind. 

It was a honor to put these little bracelets on the hands of the Nepalese children. Their smiles are memorable and imprinted not just on photographs, but in my heart as well. I loved allowing Evian's compassion to be spread to Asia and though in a bracelet, I know that it carried in their delicate weavings her love to them as well. 

In my life I have been both the giver and receiver of compassion,  but in the last several years I have accepted as truth that in both ways, compassion is core to being human.  The Dalai Lama once said that "compassion is a necessity, not a luxury" and that without it, humanity could not survive. 

I looked the definition up on Webster's dictionary, and it is defined as " sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it."  I found the phrase 'sympathetic consciousness' to be very interesting. 

To most, the word compassion is based on one distinct emotional feeling such as: empathy, caring, love, etc. Feelings, however, are impermanent, fleeting, and perceived through open interpretation of an individual. They are also risky being subject to change and variabiliy. 

By definition alone, however,  compassion implies an underlying awareness. Awareness to the physical, spiritual, and emotional needs of others. And, while not being just an emotional state, compassion really implies a deeper cerebral understanding of societal notions such fairness, justice, and interdependence. And unlike feelings which can change, it is grounded in something tangible. 

The second part of the definition implies action; action with a desire to alleviate the suffering of another. Therefore, to be considered compassionate one must not only be aware of the circumstances but also act on it with a desire to alleviate the injustice, unfairness, or suffering of others as well. 

Just like Evian's action, this idea is something both Ian and I have tried to incorporate more into our lives. Even though I would enjoy traveling around the world compassionately helping others, currently this is just not feasible. We are now both working on doctorates, have a mortgage, and semi-full time jobs. 

But, without excuses we can still be active and practice compassion daily. It could be as simple as saying a prayer before we eat for the millions of people in Somalia who are facing large scale famines, drought, and starvation, or for the now almost 60 million internally displaced refugees in our world. 

It could also be practiced as a random act of kindness to a stranger at the super market or the coffee shop, or in the form of a hug, a loving word, or a smile. 

Recently I bought the groceries of a lady behind me in the grocery line. I purposely picked her because she looked wealthy. I thought how easy it can be to give to the poor but how the affluent of our society, the expected donors and givers, are not often the receivers. 

She was quite surprised when I said that I was going to buy her groceries and quizzically asked me why.  I told her it was because there was enough negative things going on in the world and I just wanted to practice kindness for no reward. She watched me pay for her groceries in silence and when I was done she walked by with tears in her eyes. She told me that no one had ever done something like this for her before and that this was a very memorable moment in her life. Wow, for so little I could elicit such a lifetime response! 

I didn't tell this story to toot my own horn or sound haughty, merely to remind us that it is easy and actually quite edifying for our bodies, souls, and even our environment to practice compassion globally, locally, or even on ourselves. 

There is mounting evidence about the beneficial chemical processes that occur when love and compassion are practiced, both for the giver and the receiver. 

Researchers at an institute called HeartMath have been studying this phenomena for a while. They are learning that our heart, about the size of our fist and weighing less than 10 ounces possess a level of intelligence and sophistication that we are only beginning to comprehend.  

Did you know that our heart is actually an electromagnetic circuit? The rhythmic lub-dub that you hear and feel is actually an electric circuit of impulses that fire along a pathway to not only pump blood to all of our vital organs, but in doing so it also produces an electromagnetic field up to 3 feet around us. 

Henna that Kim and I got while in Kathmandu. 

Even more amazing, this electromagnetic field of energy can actually cause two hearts who are in close proximity to begin beating in a synchronized way. Two hearts beating as one really is true. What is especially cool is that science is proving that when this positive energy is intentionally directed toward something, it can actually promote and cause healing to occur.  

An excerpt from HeartMath's homepage discusses this in more detail: 

"The heart’s electromagnetic field contains certain information or coding, which researchers are trying to understand, that is transmitted throughout and outside of the body. One of the most significant findings of HMI’s research related to this field is that intentionally generated positive emotions can change this information/coding.
That discovery raises the question whether the cardioelectromagnetic field information transmitted from an individual who is angry, fearful, depressed or experiencing some other negative emotion, takes on beneficial properties when it is influenced by positive emotions. Also, is the care, compassion, love or other positive emotion not only transmitted throughout an individual’s body as the cardioelectromagnetic field radiates through it, but transferred externally as well to people in close proximity or even, perhaps, over long distances? 

Although HeartMath is continuing to study the effects of human electromagnetic fields over large distances, researchers say the answer to the first question, whether self-regulated positive emotions can be beneficial to the individual, is yes."

It seems to me that even if there is a shred of truth to the awesome potentials of this energy transference, it seems advantageous for us to purposefully emit positive energy from within us instead of creating more negative interferences that our world surely doesn't need.  Talk about compassionate action! 

Going back to my lady in the supermarket story, I am not sure if our hearts synced together and began beating as one (I think it rather unlikely that they did, actually) but I do hope that in my moment of compassion my heart created a larger magnetic field and transmitted this into to hers. And even if it only made her heart beat a little faster, I hope that it did so feeling my love.  And just maybe in leaving the supermarket being filled with just a little more love and compassion than before, her electromagnetic field bumped into another and unknowingly transmitted more love into them and our world as well. Like HeartMath dominos I hope it just keeps being payed forward.    

Examples of healing through compassion and specifically through the action of touch can be seen in numerous religions and cultures. Perhaps the most common example of this is when the bleeding woman touched the hem of Jesus's garment and was healed. And this phenomena is found throughout the sacred texts of both buddhism and hinduism as well. As Divine or mortal, we all have a metaphysical intelligence not limited to just to the conscious brain. 

What I am getting at with compassion is that though the definition states it is an awareness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it, it isn't limited in either perceived need or physicality. It can transcend both understanding and visible phenomena,  edging into the supernatural and metaphysical. 

For me, this is exciting. I often struggle with all the negativity, war, violence, and destruction present in our world today. Last week I actually felt somewhat depressed.  Sure I could blame a long work week, difficult patients, or lack of exercise, but for some reason I physically felt my energy depleted and couldn't explain why. Having not spent much time in prayer or meditation I now see why my body was susceptible to negative penetrations.  My electromagnetic force field was not only low, but I had carelessly avoided the very thing that I needed to nurture most, my soul. I think my body was showing me physically what my soul was trying to say spiritually; you need to re-connect your circuit. 

This is Anil, his mother, and wife Soni. He is the founder of Himalayan Healthcare, the organization that I trekked with in Nepal. 

I had neglected to remember the Divine circuitry that has been innately instilled inside my beating heart, and I had forgotten its ability to transmute this negativity into a surrounding field of compassion and love. 

And so this is what I am going to do. In little random acts of kindness, in prayer or meditation, in how I pray over my food and give thanks, and in how I respond and treat others and my environment, I am gong to allow my heart to do what it was made for and let it be an active sender of healing compassion. 

And though I will most certainly have days that are easier than others, I will try to focus inward with intention and manifest goodness within myself and let this radiate out into the world that so desperately needs it. 

So my fellow loved ones, remember this: our body is not only more intelligent than we give it credit for, but it also holds within it a healing power that is ready to be released. We all have the ability to be compassionate, and when we allow this to be unleashed, we are actively sending forth what our world needs most, more love...... And who knows who that will bump into! 

This will probably be one of many Nepal blogs. There is so much to say. I never expected to come so close to such a large catastrophe, confronted not only with how delicate life is, but how quickly it can be taken away. 

Many of the following pictures are what I call "The Faces of Nepal". I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to trek in their country and for their allowing me to serve them. Our medical camps were a success, we treated over 900 people.  Though they are poor in our eyes, they are truly rich in spirit and soul. In the wake of the earthquake I am again reminded of how important that is. 

I was thinking of this the other morning. Though I would miss my home, my Vitamix, and some other random possessions, I would still be me and be able to continue on without them. In many ways the releasing of my bondage to them would actually be quite liberating. Though I would not purposefully seek out their destruction, I know that often in the ashes beauty emerges, and sometimes it is the very fire we seek to avoid that is so very much needed. 

I have received news from many friends in Nepal, though the loss is great, all of the people that I trekked with are okay including the couple I met on the plane ride from Seoul to Kathmandu. One of our medical personnel did break his shoulder when a building collapsed on him and though he was stranded for several days, was able to be air lifted to Kathmandu for medical care. I have also received word that many of the villages that we served are decimated, the loss has been great in the mountain areas. 

One such area is Timla. We trekked there to dedicate a hostel that was built for school children. As the school was centrally located, children in the outlying villages had to walk long distances to attend class.  The trek was very difficult to do in one day as it covered rugged terrain and high elevations, so many of the children were literally sleeping in the forests so they could have the opportunity to go to school.   Last year a neurologist and her partner heard about these children and decided to host a fundraiser to build them a place to stay. The hostel was nearly complete when we dedicated it just 1 week prior to the earthquake that would eventually destroy it. 

I spoke to a friend this morning who said one of our campsites is completely buried in stones. Had we been camping there we would have been also. It is sobering. 

So what to make of all this? What can I take away from this experience? 

Before the earthquake I would have reflected on a journal entry that I wrote: 

If I make it out of here without a parasite or TB I will have considered this trip a success. Going to the bathroom has also taken on a whole new meaning. I am pretty sure that some of the positions of "squatting" are advanced yoga moves. I also now understand what a real hole in the ground is and never expected that I could get the deed done in 5 seconds flat to avoid being bitten by prehistoric sized horseflies or getting covered in your own, or heaven forbid someone elses, feces in what is called "The Blue Taj." 

Literally it was a hole in the ground and you just squatted. Period. Needless to say Nepalese people have amazing dexterity and quad strength, I was envious. Between bathroom acrobatics and mastering my SheWee (a female urinary device that allows a woman to pee standing up..... I could even write my name) I feel very comfortable saying that I can conquer any toilet or un-toilet in the world. Yay! At one point on the trail Kim and I had a contest to see whose stream went the farthest, I think she won.

Surprisingly after the first 2-3 days of not showering you just get used to being dirty and at 3 weeks you didn't really seem to care. I could never tell if the smell was me, my fellow hiker, or the water buffalo that we were passing. To be honest, it all just blended together like a crock pot of soup and no one minded or at least admitted to. I got really comfortable using wet wipes and bandannas and just continued about my day. Throughout the trek my teeth were the cleanest part of my body; at least if I asked you about the smells I knew it wasn't my breath.

It was actually quite glorious. Minimal personal upkeep, hiking beautiful trails in the Himalayas, and helping people: trekking by day, sleeping under the stars at night, with a few medical clinics thrown in between.

Because most of my gear was carried by human porters, my light day pack contained only small essentials: rain gear, my SheWee, T.P, granola bars, sunscreen, water, and my camera. Unburden and unhurried along the mountain trails I was able to walk in simple joy being fully immersed in the world of Nepal.

In this immersion all of my senses came to life - sights so breathtaking that I know the lens of my eyes had difficulty capturing let alone the ones in my camera. Sounds of goats, water buffalo, and children shouting "Namaste" added to the trance like state I continued in. I have never felt more alive and more present as I did in Nepal. There was an inner peace that told me to live and experience life instead of trying to use it to fix what was wrong inside. Too often we manipulate the world to fix our inner problems instead of going to the root of our suffering, ourselves. Change comes from the inside; you don't use life, you live it.

I learned that physically, the secret of the ascent is to never look down but to always look up. This paralleled my feeling toward life as well. No matter what happens to you, turn your eyes upward and relax your heart. In practicing this we remain purified, unburden, and weightless, never having to know another fall.

I feel this way for Nepal now as I did then.  In reflection after the earthquake my blogs may be slightly different but my experience and heart for the country is not. I will continue to look up for this country and hold on to the inner peace that guides.  Where I would have once reflected on my overcoming the physical circumstances of this trek, I now know that through challenging what is familiar to me and daring to question my traditional needs for comfort and control I have come back changed in more ways than just physically. SheWee's and Taj's aside, living Nepal for a month was life changing.

I wish the same for the people of Nepal, that through overcoming the physical hardships of their loss and destruction, they too may also grow spiritually together.

If I had to pick a shape for this trip I would certainly pick a circle. A continuous loop where on the upstroke I felt like "I got it," but then shortly thereafter would be brought right back down. Up into awe, inspiration, admiration, and then back down into humility, uncertainty, and even sorrow.

What is great about a circle is that it continues over and over until you build up enough velocity to break through into a greater circle of awareness and encompass more. Here you experience anew what has always been.  When your eyes open wider to see the freshness of life, your heart has no other option but to embrace it again once more.

A circle for me represents inclusion without sharp angles. Too often in my life I lived with sharp angles that not only cut others but ultimately myself as well. In the "circle of life" we can appreciate how our rings may blend with others and join into unity. It is not linked in perspective alone, but is continuously evolving as it goes around and around to encompass more.

There is a real tragedy in keeping your circle too small or allowing it to become a life rut; an ordinary stale rhythm that spins in complacency. Many of us get stuck in the cycle of trying to be understood instead of understanding, and yearning to be loved instead of learning how to.

As I reflect on this last month and into the future, I know that only in being present can I truly get more than a glimpse of eternity. And eternity may very well be one large circle spinning altogether.

Prior to this weekend I had plans on a much different blog post. Having just returned from Nepal 1 week ago I have been trying to formulate how I could describe my experience over the last month.  

As usual, words fail to capture what I experienced. My travel friend, Kim, said it perfectly....pick any adjective and you would describe it. It was beautiful, ugly, wonderful, difficult, amazing, lonely, etc. However, in the wake of the earthquake my reflections, experiences, and even memories are now altered for in the midst of heartbreak they all seem so clouded.

I woke Saturday to numerous emails from friends and colleagues both in Nepal and stateside regarding the recent tragedy in Nepal.  Quickly I googled the events and was shocked to see what was unfolding in my beloved Nepal. For starters, my team was right in the epicenter of the quake just last week and trekking at 11,000 ft for the last three.  Below is a map of the earthquake, we were high in the mountains in the Dhading region; the red zone southeast of the red star, northwest of Kathmandu. 

Many of the villages that we served are in complete rubble and I fear that many of the people we saw are badly injured.  I am just shocked, had the earthquake occurred just one week earlier I would have most certainly been injured or worse, we were right there.

On the way over I met a lovely Canadian couple close to my age who were attempting to summit Everest. She is an OB/GYN and he is a Naturopathic doctor. On the 14 hour plane ride from Seoul, South Korea to Kathmandu we became close as we excitedly shared about our upcoming adventure. They would have either been at Everest base camp or on the mountain when the massive avalanche occurred….I have no idea if they are safe or not.

My heart aches right now for Nepal, my soul cries for the lives and history lost.  Below is a picture of Patan Durbar square, in the heart of Kathmandu.  Founded in the 3rd century it is an amalgamation of temples built of intricate wood and stone carving that is rich not only in history but religious significance as well.  Just last week this picture was taken, here I am admiring what is now gone, history reduced to rubble.  Its loss is devastating.  

I have never been big into journaling, however, at the recommendation of a seasoned mountaineering friend who told me that "inspiration comes on those mountains," meaning the Himalayas,  I brought a journal.  Not only did I write in it, I nearly filled it up. And as I write this, I am thankful for those written memories especially as I know many of them can never be relived.

Yesterday I found an entry dated mid April about Patan Durbar Square, the Swayambhunath Stupa, and the Boudhanath Stupa (the largest and holiest Buddhist Stupa in the world). All of these structures have been damaged or destroyed in some way.

In my journal I wrote about walking around these places and being brought to tears at how holy and peaceful they felt. In ways that I cannot describe, my soul was deeply touched and comforted in remembering the oneness of all.

A little history on stupas and these pictures. A stupa is a mound-like structure that contains religious relics and acts as a place for Buddhist meditation. Atop of the Stupas are Buddha eyes looking out in all four directions depicting omniscience. The nose which looks like a question mark which symbolizes the unity of all things and the way to reach enlightenment. The third eye is to represent the wisdom of Buddha.

Above are hundreds of prayer flags, a common scene throughout Nepal. Each color representing the five elements: earth, air, wind, fire, water.  They are used to promote peace, compassion, strength, and wisdom. Buddhists believe that the prayers and mantras will be blown by the wind to spread goodwill and compassion into all pervading space. I have seen pictures after the earthquake and know they are still blowing in the wind, still sending compassion throughout the country during this great time of need.

In the Buddhist view, I or Me depends on You for existence. All things depend on each other equally. This dependence was very evident in the villages that we trekked through. It appeared that everyone shared equally both in work load and resources, it is just something that you do. In the same way, there is an unspoken acceptance that if you pull a person the wrong way you immediately redefine yourself in light of what you've done to yourself and to your neighbor.

Even their greeting, Namaste, recognizes or bows to the Divine in you. Hearing the children shout Namaste down from the mountains as we trekked by will forever be etched in my heart. I didn't realize how much this meant to me until I got off the plane in the states.  Not having someone greet me this way felt not only foreign but impersonal as well.

I recognized a stark contrast between the Nepalese paradigm of interdependence contrasted with the Western ideal of independence that I have been taught since a young age. The interconnectedness that I saw among the people also transcended into connectedness with not only each other,  but also with the mind, body, soul, and the Divine.

Being in Nepal for one month I began to resonate with this unspoken vibration as well. Not only did I want to be more compassionate and gentle with others, but also with myself as well. I find that given the option to over indulge in food, materialism, or life in general I merely would not. I see the wisdom in living the middle way that Buddhism teaches.

Though the life of a rural Nepalese is certainly difficult by our standards, it has purpose. Digging your hands into the earth to plant and harvest your food, living completely dependent on nature and its gifts has a way of grounding you to creation. Our world is certainly changing - we are becoming less dependent on each other and Earth's natural gifts and more reliant on ourselves and the artificial. I often wonder if comparatively I am stifling my own potential for real soul development by living an easy American life. I know I am built to love but too often I get in my own way.

It is in knowing that these values are core to the Nepalese society that I have some comfort in the wake of the earthquake.  Though I still ache for what happened, I take comfort knowing that this culture leaves no one behind. I also take great comfort in knowing of both the impermanence of things seen and the infinite of those not.

There is so much I want to write about, and many many more pictures to share but in the wake of the earthquake I wanted to elaborate on what was on my heart now.

As I think about the current situation in Nepal I am reminded to always give yourself completely, every instant and everyday, so that every act is a holy one. In Nepal I learned that life changing insights and experiences do not accessorize the existing life, they alter it for good. The greatest journey that any of us will ever take is from nothingness to somethingness. My journey thanks in large part to Nepal, has brought me closer to something leaving nothing behind.