It has been a long time since I have posted on the blog.  

In the beginning of September my clinic sponsored another team to run the 110 mile Klondike relay race from Alaska to Canada.  This year Ian diverted injury and ran the first leg of the race, I also had a friend from Ohio, Bonnie, fly to Alaska to join us. It is always a great event that challenges my athletic prowess and agility. It was also great having an entire weekend with Ian. It seems that between work and school our time together is mostly in between bathroom breaks from studying. 

Also over the last few months our family has seen new life, sickness, medical error, and been confronted with the reality of choice. To say the least, the last few months have not only been interesting, but ones of great growth. In times when I needed it most, I saw bold and vulnerable actions from others that spoke directly to the heart of mercy and forgiveness. In others I was reminded that we have two options in life: to live as one who recognizes the humanity in others, forgive, and love, or stay in fear. Though we all will face a physical death, living in fear certainly hastens a spiritual one. I have also been confronted with the fact that love begins with ourselves and in our home and cities, and only then can it begin to change the world. 

Just last week I attended a global health conference in San Francisco. I was looking forward to attending this particular conference with people "on the field" and active in global health issues. What I did not expect was the surprise visit from the man who inspired me to begin my own global health journey, Dr. Paul Farmer. For those of you who are not familiar with Dr. Farmer, he is literally the Ghandi of global health. He started his NGO, Partners in Health, several years ago and has changed the face and outlook of treating HIV/AIDs and TB across the world. There was a book written about his life by Tracy Kidder, Mountains Beyond Mountains, that I read years ago and was a launching point in my life for global service. I am a total groupie. 

Dr. Paul Farmer and I

What strikes me most about him are not just his international accolades, awards, or achievements, but that he has retained a heart of charity, compassion, and optimism all this time.  On the last day of our conference he showed up for a Q&A session with questions from our group. Though he is very well-spoken and knowledgeable regarding global health policy and development, it was his concluding motions that spoke to me most, he teared up.  

A friend of mine jokes that I suffer from global anxiety.  It is not uncommon for me to go for a run and break out in tears if I begin thinking on the injustices of this world. I am especially prone to this when a string of African songs accosts my iPod, or when I run after reading the world news. 

The other day this happened as I went for a morning jog and I asked God why? Am I crazy? Do I need my husband to run a battery of psychological tests on me to diagnose my psychosis or is there a Divine reason that this happens? I guess my experiences, like Dr. Farmer, cause me to see things differently now. I have trouble forgetting, nor do I even want to. And like Dr. Farmer, sometimes I cannot help but cry. 

Sometimes I see fire, fire that is constantly consuming humanity if the form of health inequality, political bondage, discrimination, and resource scarcity for some and over consumption for others.  My skin is hot from the smoke, always one step away from the flames. I am not angry or hateful, just sad. As I was flying back from San Francisco looking out the plane window far above the Earth, I thought what a beautiful world we live in, at least from the perspective in the clouds. Why does it have to be so ugly underneath them? From the heavens looking down I see its original purpose - to love and nurture, but upon landing I am assaulted with how badly we contort its purpose for personal means. 

Is it too late to become an activist joining alongside the Heavens? Well, though I should have started in pre-school, it truly never is. We are all health workers and activists. Each word we speak is an endorsement of our relationship to others and ourselves, each purchase an endorsement for a cause, and each action taken against our earth an endorsement of its importance. I am so small yet these feelings feel so large, sometimes I feel like I am going to burst out and particularize away.   For now I accept the purpose and though I cannot fight the system anymore, I recognize that it is the very system of which I am fighting for; the system that promotes wholeness and love. I also recognize that my global health journey begins at home, in my community, and then across the world. All of ours does. 

So, do something good today, a random act of kindness, be outside of yourself for a moment and listen to what others are saying and the needs that they are truly expressing between the sentences that they speak. Be an activist for something you believe in, but most of all, be a radical activist for love. If you can't do this how can anything we do truly be worthwhile?